I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
