scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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