I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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