i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
