No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
