I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
