I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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