i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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