I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
