I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
