The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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