NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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