I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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