Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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