I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Houston, we have a blender
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize