I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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