one two three fourrrrnication!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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