Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
