Tell her she can't have a vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
