2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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