he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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