The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
