We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I will die if light touches me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
