I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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