OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
