dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
