whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
