I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
