I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
nutella sex= disaster
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
