Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
