Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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