Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
