me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
