What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
