It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
