You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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