Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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