i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
