Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
