so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
