when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
