I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
