I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
