Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
