Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we made out on top of his cat.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
