Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
