I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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