Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
