he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
