i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
