I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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