I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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