the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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