i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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