Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
