She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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