when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
