I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize