WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
