At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
