Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
