And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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