if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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