I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
