Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
